Why Is It Hard to Make Friends Over 30?

This. Everything in this New York Times article titled Friends of a Certain Age. Give it a read. I'll catch up with you when you're done.

It's something that's really been on my heart since about the summer of 2010. I remember looking out and seeing lots of friends "out there", but not much "right here", close to home.

Not much changed though until Holly, my best friend, the one friend I had "right here", moved away. Things got lonely. Fast.

I firmly believe that friendships are based on proximity. "Community": you hear me talk about it over and over. It's very important thing to me. More importantly, I've had the opportunity to develop that community. Recognition. Understanding. Seeing the same faces repeatedly, whether that be Sunday soccer, Wednesday 5K races, book club meet-ups, or at the corner bar, that's where friendships are made. Having all these meeting points within a 10 minute walk makes the difference. This city is nothing more than hundreds of little villages on top of each other (if you let it be that!).

Hip bars in Manhattan; that's not a community. And it's so far away! Because of that, some distant friendships have suffered, but at the benefit of others blossoming around me. I feel ok with this.

Even when the community is there and you surround yourself with interesting people, you need to be able to open up to them. That's something I haven't always been good at, but I'm trying to change. I'm tired of conversations that operate solely around beer and football. I need something more than that and it starts from within.

Parts of me have always been guarded. Parts of me haven't. I got a big wake-up call when I started working in New York. I got snake-bit by letting my guard down a couple of times, I was a little too open, and it stuck with me. I came to follow the advice that New York political sage Elliot Spitzer offered up: "Never write if you can speak; never speak if you can nod; never nod if you can wink; and never put it in e-mail."

Professionally, it worked wonders. It did a number on my friends list though. And that's not what made me happy.

So can you make friend's after 30? The great experiment is underway. It takes time. It takes effort. But it's special. It's important. It's something I feel optimistic about.

Hey, give me a call if you want to hang out.