When I grow up, I want to be...
I felt directionless. No goals. No career aspirations. I wanted to be passionate about something, anything, but I couldn't figure out what that something should be. So I wept that lonely July night while laying in bed.
Later that week, a bum knee led me to make an appointment with a sports medicine doctor, Dr. John O'Kane. I read his bio, then watched his video. "I could do that," I thought to myself. The bulb flipped on. "I could do that." The eureka moment hit on July 29th. I slipped out of work for a long walk and a think.
My whole life, I told myself I wasn't good at math. By doing that, I had limited my potential in so many different opportunities. Truth of the matter, it's not that I'm not good at math; my previous GRE scores proved that not to be the case. It's that I didn't want to be good at math. I committed the suicidal sin of limiting my own potential. I could work in the sciences. I just had to believe that I could work in the sciences.
I immediately started researching what it would take to become a doctor. Commitment. That and school. Lots of both. Now look, I'm no longer a spring chicken. With the clock ticking on a medical career, I enrolled in Seattle Central Community College without much of a plan. I knew something had to happen NOW and suddenly found myself in Chemistry 139.
Chemistry. The last time I took chemistry, I was 16 years old. Angela Brock was my lab partner. The potential energy between us garnered far more of my attention than that of an object in space.
Chemistry. Simply walking into that class makes me feel so alive! Learning. Working towards a goal. Knowing that what I learn today could help me make an impact later. The 4:00am wake-up calls aren't always fun, but there's a direction. A passion.
There's a certain audacity that comes with attempting a career change of this magnitude this late in the game. Though my heart swells with pride at the steps I'm trying to take, I can't help but feel humbled at my own ignorance of the subject matter and the task in front of me. Introduction to Chemistry. I dream of making a difference but am just now beginning to wrap my head around basic molecular structure.
Even then, this is only chemistry. There will also be math and biology and topics I haven't even considered yet. It will be an investment. Assuming I follow the medicine route, I may be out by the time I'm 40. I'm OK with that.
I'm not yet wed to the medical route. Though sports medicine offers an opportunity to follow a passion of mine, sports, to a professional degree, I also realize that by opening my horizons, professions like astronomy or engineering are now available. I don't yet know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know that I can be so much more than the path I'm on. I'm only starting to open a few doors and know that if I just follow my heart, follow my curiosity, I'll figure it out.